The #1 Reason Why Your Life Sucks
You Are What You Think
By Juwon A. Melvin
“I’m stupid,” “Nobody wants me, “I can’t do anything right!”
What do all of these statements have in common? They’re all examples of the negative dialogue we tell ourselves daily. Over 90 percent of your speaking is said to yourself. If you’re unhappy with your current circumstances, you may need to evaluate what you’re telling yourself on a daily basis.
I guarantee that what I am about to share with you, if applied, will change your life. Studies show that over 75 percent of self-talk is negative. So if 90 percent of your talking is to yourself and 75 percent of that dialogue is negative, it’s no wonder why so many people are miserable!
What you tell yourself comes true. Remez Sasson, an expert in success consciousness, says, “What the mind expects, it finds.” Your current circumstances are a result of the thoughts and choices you made in the past. The things you tell yourself and actions you take today will determine your future.
Here’s how it works: throughout the day you have conscious thoughts about your abilities and self-worth. Your subconscious mind picks up the messages you consciously tell yourself. Your subconscious mind is as gullible as a 5 year-old and as strong as the Incredible Hulk. Your subconscious mind believes whatever your conscious mind tells it, and works around the clock to make it come true. This is why it is so important to be aware of your thoughts! Whatever you tell yourself about your abilities and self-worth, your subconscious mind will make it come true!
So how do you recognize negative self-talk? According to the Mayo Clinic, the following are common examples of negative self-talk:
Filtering – Magnifying the negative aspects of something and filtering out the positives. You may have been going about your day as usual, and everything was good until you ran into that person that you don’t like. Then when you get home and someone asks, “How was your day?” you respond, “It was horrible.” In this example you filtered out all of the good things that happened to you today, (i.e. waking up, getting to work on time, completing your assignments, etc.) and magnified the one bad occurrence of your day.
Personalizing – Taking the blame when something bad happens. This occurs a lot in sports. When a team loses an important game one of the players may place the blame on him or herself saying, “I’m the reason we lost” or “Because we lost, I’m a loser.” Sure you may have contributed to the loss, but you must learn to separate yourself from the outcome. You may have lost that game or you failed that test, but it doesn’t mean you’re a loser or a failure; it only means that you didn’t achieve your desired outcome.
Now that you can recognize negative self-talk, let’s talk about how to change this behavior and change your life for the better!
Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to someone else. You wouldn’t walk up to someone and call him or her undesirable or incompetent. So don’t say those things to yourself!
Change self-limiting statements to questions. Instead of saying, “I will never be able to afford that,” ask yourself, “How can I afford that?” Remember, your sub-conscious mind works around the clock to create what ever you tell it.
By now you may be thinking, “Juwon, that’s great. I can recognize my negative self-talk patterns. I know how to change those habits to achieve more of my life goals. But how do I keep the momentum? What’s going to keep me positive when times get tough?” Have no fear, the answers are written here!
Hang around positive, driven, smart people. Motivational speaker Jonathan Sprinkles often says, “You are the statistical average of the five closest people to you.” If you feel like life is dragging you down, take a close look at your friends and family. You may need to change who you spend your time with.
Watch, read and listen to positive media. It’s a fact of life that what goes into your body is processed, and then it comes out of your body. The same is true with information. If you consume negative information, negative thoughts and words will come out your mouth. Watch positive shows on television. Read inspiring books. Listen to uplifting music. If you’re going to have a song stuck in your head, it might as well be one that inspires you!
These tactics have made a tremendous positive impact on my life. I know that if applied, they will change your life too! Remember: Change your thoughts, change your life. Control your thoughts, control your destiny!